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I keep trying to catch his eye : a memoir of loss, grief, and love / Ivan Maisel.

by Maisel, Ivan, 1960- author.

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New York : Hachette Books, 2021.

Parental grief.

Teenagers -- Suicidal behavior.

Fathers and sons -- United States.

9780306925740 (hardback) :

0306925745 (hardback)

vii, 225 pages : illustrations ; 23 cm

Demystifying grief -- Hey, bud! -- College -- Going public -- A bad day, a great ending -- A ball under water -- First-evers -- I keep trying to catch his eye -- The Hilinskis -- A better person -- The lies we tell ourselves -- Every day -- The evolution of coping.

"In February 2015, Ivan Maisel received a call that would alter his life forever: his son Max's car was found abandoned in a parking next to Lake Ontario. Two months later, Max's body would be found in the lake. I Keep Trying to Catch His Eye is the story of Maisel's love for a son who was so different from him, but who he loved so deeply, and how he came to learn that grief for Max was nothing more than a last, ultimate expression of love. Navigating the moments of their complicated relationship, as well as their love each other, Maisel explores the bridges he tried to build to his son and the grief that engulfed him and his family after Max's death by suicide. Taking its title from Max's love of photography--and his tendency to only love the camera when he was behind it, looking away whenever his picture was taken--I Keep Trying to Catch His Eye delves into the tragically transformative reality of losing a child, all with grace, depth, and refinement. But by humanizing Max and humanizing his grief, Maisel evokes understanding instead of sorrow, appreciation instead of anxiety--and love instead of fear"--Provided by publisher.

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